in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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