we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
