omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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