birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I believe in your delicious
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
