I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
