I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just google imaged poop.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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