i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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