Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
