a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
