its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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