I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
