everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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