she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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