...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
