The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
