At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
