It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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