If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
