He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
