Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize