...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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