I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
