So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
