just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
