I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
