I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
