just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
