If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize