She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
