THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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