just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
