After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize
