perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
