I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
