do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
