I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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