Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
