Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
