no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
