all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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