Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
is it fun? or sober?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
