My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
