But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
