Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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