why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
