dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
