if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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