do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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