so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
