i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
false alarm. still invincible.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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