i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
