Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
