butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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