I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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