..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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