If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
