What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
