I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
