So drunk its hurt
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
