Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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