Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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