I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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