I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
