he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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