he thought i was a dude.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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