Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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