Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
