why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
