Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
