In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
