I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
