So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
