I'm going to rape someone's good day.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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