Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think my fart just growled at me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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