A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
