you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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