Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
