and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
