No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
