I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
