he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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