if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
