Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
