Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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